Tuesday, April 10, 2012

When I was an Atheist

Some of my friends and family would be actually shocked to hear this but this is my journey to faith.  I played the "christian" game real well growing up.  I played the church thing, I bowed my head and prayed scoring 'good christian' points.  But the whole time I KNEW my heart.  I KNEW I did not actually believe in this Jesus nonsense.  I went to church camps, when to youth groups, and did all the good little boy church things.  My heart was dead.  I was spiritually dead inside.

My Early Years:

Through high school i just nodded my head saying "Ya I'm Christian, i go to church". What I did, defined my chosen religion.  Did i actually think there was some kind of higher being out there, maybe, but why should I care.  Girls, parties, fun, and friends was all I needed in life.  The Christian label was so that I look like a 'good person' in this American Christian Religion culture.
I didn't and don't know the heart of the friends I was with but what i do know is I would steal, vandalize, and be hateful along side my christian friends.  I would do drugs at church camp and youth group with my 'christian' friends and even hook up with 'christian' chicks at church camp.

After graduating high school I kept running into these 'christians' at all my keg parties.  I just nodded my head at them "ya your christian? that's cool, here's the joint and a girl, get busy".  These 'christians' would throw their so called faith under a buss for what I enjoyed as well.  So what was the point of religion to me? none.

I didn't and don't know the heart of the friends but what I do know is no matter what city I moved to i was doing the same things with the same people claiming the same thing... 'Christian'.  But during these years things got worse and I did even worse things, but with the same people claiming the same thing, "christian".

My favorite lines were: 

"I'm Christian but I'm not perfect (so I'm going to get hammered, sleep with chicks, and do drugs because im already saved)".  I would laugh at this one.  Because I would say the exact same things so it made their faith or lack of it pointless. The get out of hell free card.

"I'm Christian because I go to church on Sunday".  I would laugh about this one as well.  Heck if alternated between a Buddhist temple and a Mormon temple i guess i could call myself a Mormon-Buddhist. Not. I went to church on Sundays too. So what? I wasn't a christian.

"I'm Christian and I love God".  This one was the creme of the cake.  I couldn't tell because everything they did was hateful toward their god they claimed to love.  They hated all over him with how they lived their lives with me.

Over time it just turned into charlie brown.  "Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla hypocrite bla bla bla pointless faith"

The Church was a FAILURE.  And if there was a god that was the head of it OH BOY I bet he was no happy with how pathetic everyone was in their 'faith'.  If i was that 'lost sheep' that needed a relationship with this Jesus guy... why did no one care enough about their own life or the relationship with him?

MY ANSWER: Because he didn't really exist.  And how they lived validated that to me.

If people truly loved this Jesus guy and had a relationship with him why would they be acting, talking, and living the way they do in such a way that is NOT loving him.  Granted they weren't perfect but I love my mom... and I would not do half the things to my mom that they did to their Jesus.  And that was all i needed to know.

Its common knowledge that anyone clamming to be 'christian' is someone who is claiming to be "saved" or "born again" or "follower of Christ".   That was a joke to me.  There was no difference so i could apply being "saved born again and follower" because I was just like them.  In fact most of them followed ME and the parties I did, the girls I hooked them up with, and the drugs I did with them.  There was no Jesus in their life outside of Sunday.


I had a sudden distaste for all these fake hypocrite religious people.  So i was going to make them all look dumb by pointing out all the falsehoods in their so called holy book and in their hypocritical life style.  I started reading and studying and I realized that I had read more of the bible than most of these hypocrites.  As I read I started to realize that they had no idea what they even believed and then it hit me.  They were NOT a reliable source of Christian information.  How pathetic is that!

They didn't even really know this Jesus guy they claimed to love.  I began to learn more about him than they did!  And as I read and studied and learned I got a slap in the face.  I WAS WRONG about what I KNEW about this religion.  The contradictions were based off of ignorant crap these 'christians' thought they knew and told me.  The inconsistencies and contradictions faded as I read straight from their so call source.  I began to think more openly and less bias because of my realizations that all my information from people was crap and so my opinions were also crap.  And bam! like a nuclear bomb in my head.  I realized the most important thing.  This Jesus guy, his claims, and this book called the Bible might actually be true.  

Once I realized this, my Atheist walls came crashing down.  Because "In Christ, all things are possible".  And if this statement was true... than ALL THINGS are possible.  Finally the last fleshly humanistic wall crumbled.  I knew I WAS WRONG.  I knew that the only thing true was Jesus and what he factually did and who he actually was

Everything in bold red, was GOD.  He lead me to the right answers and gradually opened my eyes to truth! And like he promised I was set FREE!  I stopped my typing and reading, sat back in my chair and thought about his amazing love for me personally.  Like in slow-mo i rolled off my chair, on to the floor and begged him to forgive my selfish heart and crappy life I was living.

APRIL 14th 2009 - God came down into my room and entered my heart and from that point on my life changed and continues to change.

It took GOD because the seeds the church was planting weren't seeds at all but lies and misunderstandings.  God knew he would have to do it himself and that is the Gospel!  God took the imperfections and the sins of the church and used them to bring salvation.  The "problem of evil" was the ultimate and perfect solution for my soul!  Evil is only a problem to the atheists who's eyes are closed to the greater picture.  God used our freely chosen sins to cause the greatest acts of all, forgiveness, transformation and freedom.


No comments:

Post a Comment

What do you think?

Bible Verses